


Watford 99

by Caitybug



Series: Watford 99 [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz is Amy, COC 2019, Carry On Countdown 2019, Drug Mob, Fandom crossover, If I continue this series there will totally be shep/penny, It makes sense I swear, M/M, Normal AU, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Pining, Simon is Jake, The Mage is the Humdrum in this, Theres a bet involved (of course), They live in Brooklyn, Trying to solve a case, brooklyn 99 au, crack!, mentions of past Micah and Penny, no magic, political corruption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21821446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitybug/pseuds/Caitybug
Summary: Carry On Countdown Day #22 it's a Brooklyn 99 crossover!Baz and Simon are cops at the 99th precinct. Currently, they are in the middle of a bet, which could result in Simon taking Baz out on what he calls 'the worst date of Baz's life'. Jokes on him, however, Baz wants nothing more than to date Simon (he wouldn't tell him that though).The bet gets dropped, however, when Simon gets a case to help take down the Humdrum Mob organization, and Baz and he get partnered up. Will they catch the mole in the NYPD? Will they ever get to their bet?Most importantly: will Baz or Simon fess up to liking the other?
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Watford 99 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699036
Comments: 15
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

It’s just another day in the precinct when I show up. Agatha is at the desk outside Captain Bunce’s office, on her phone and ignoring the phone calls that come through. Shepard is staring at the toaster oven in the light blue kitchen, probably making some kind of weird food concoction (I swear the food that man likes is crazy), Penny is pouring over files- burying herself in an assault case that was reported to her last night, and then I see Simon.

 _Simon Snow_. 

He is throwing a red ball in the air, leaning back in his chair with an ease no one else has in the precinct. Snow has golden curls I wish I could run my hands through, and freckles sprinkled all over. There are a few moles, and I find myself wanting to kiss them. 

I shake my head as I put my bag down, trying to free myself of my deep thoughts of him. He and I are on good terms, and I don’t want to ruin that. There was a while where he and I were constantly fighting. When I realized I had feelings for him, however, it changed things. 

Snow gives me a smile and a wave as a morning greeting, and I give him a nod and a smile back. You wouldn’t believe it if you had just met him, but he is one of the best cops here (not including me, that is.) He is a little too obsessed with _Die Hard_ , is a complete mess, and his methods are wild and unconventional, but he somehow always saves the day. _Typical._ He’s the precinct’s resident golden boy. 

Over by the window I see the whiteboard with our current competition. If anything gets Snow going it’s a bet, and I am not one to back down from a challenge. We only have a week left to our current bet (who can bag the most felons in a month), and currently, we are at a standstill- 16 vs 16. 

“Good morning, Snow,” I say dropping my bag on my desk across from him. “Ready to go down at the end of this week? I so look forward to trashing your car at the end of this. Maybe I’ll get it wrapped? I’ve done some research and I found a company that can make it look more like a Barbie Jeep. Though I guess that would be an improvement.” 

I’m not sure why he loves his car so much. It’s a piece of junk and might as well be called duct tape since that’s what it consists of. I want to buy him a new car, bet be damned. 

“Oh you _wish_ ,” He laughs back, a smirk playing out over his face. “You’ve no idea what I have planned next. You’ll be laughing all the way to the mall for the worst date of your life. I hope you like Orange Julius.”

Jokes on him, any date with him would be amazing. I can’t let him know how badly I want to date him. There have been times I thought he _might_ be flirting with me, but the risk of ruining our relationship is too high. This precinct can’t handle another failed relationship like what happened between Penny and Micah. The place almost crumbled, thank god he left. I would never tell her, but I would pick her over him any day. 

I must be making the flirting up in my own head- there’s no way he would like me back. 

“Oh really?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. “And what makes you think you’ll be beating me?”

“Because, young Mr. Pitch,” He stands up, carrying a file with him and slamming it on my desk

“Was that necessary? I’m right here. You could have just handed it to me.” I also am older than him- so I’m not sure why it was necessary to call me ‘young’. 

“Shush- it’s my turn to talk.” He raises his hand to my lips- my _lips_ -and my brain blows a fuse. I hope he doesn’t notice. “I have a case here to end all cases. I could potentially be bringing down several felons in this one bust, more than you could get in a week. And then it’s date town for you, mister.” He picks the file back up and sits down at his desk, opening it up. 

“You realize you just revealed your plan so I can easily find a way to beat you.” I lean forward, raising an eyebrow. 

Why am I making this harder on him? I want a date with him. I just can’t let him know how badly I want it. That’s the only reason I’ve been working as hard as I have been to beat him. He needs to think I don’t desperately want this, even if it is to the mall food court.

I lean back in my chair and let out a small sigh. I wouldn’t be able to stand the date being a joke anyway, so keeping it out of reach is for the best for me. He’s straight anyway, I’m pretty sure, so I’m definitely barking up the wrong tree. 

“That’s how confident I am about this bust.” He smiles. 

I’m about to retort back, but Agatha calls me. 

“Agatha, I’m five feet away from you, what do you want?” I turn to look at her. Instead of responding she points to the phone and mouths _I’m on the phone_. Why is everyone here absolutely ridiculous? I pick up the phone and look at her as I do so. 

“Agatha, I’m right here- could you have not just talked to me?”

“Oh, _Tyrannus_ ” she coos. _I hate when she uses my first name._ “I need to save my voice before my performance tonight.”

“I thought you danced? Why do you need to preserve your voice for that?” 

“ANYWAY” she shouts. _Saving her voice my ass_. “Captain wants you and Simon in her office. Said something about a case or yadda yadda, I don’t know I stopped paying attention.”

I roll my eyes. 

“Okay, Agatha- I’ll bring the child with me. Thanks” I look to Snow, who is currently pulling a muffin from his desk and examining it. I swear I see a hair on the top. He must decide it looks decent enough though because he shoves the whole thing in his mouth.

I try to hold back my disgust, but it’s hard to wipe the crinkle of my nose from him. Why do I want to kiss him so badly? Maybe I am just as ridiculous as everyone else. There has to be something wrong with me. 

“Snow, we need to see the Captain,” I say while hanging up the phone. I know Agatha hung up before I replied to her, so I’m not worried about saying goodbye. 

He nods his head in acknowledgment and stands up, wiping crumbs off his pants and trying to swallow his too big bite of food before following me to Captain Bunce. 

Captain Bunce has to be one of my favorite captains that we have had since I started at this precinct. She is calm and calculated and has an air of confidence that I try hard to emulate. Not only this, but she pushes for more progressive training and methods with the detectives and cops here. It makes me proud to belong here and to feel like we are trying to do good by the people in our community. She is also Penny’s mother, and seeing her in action explains a lot of why Penny is the way she is. 

Penny Bunce didn’t fall far from the Captain Bunce tree. 

“Hello,” She starts, motioning for us to sit down on the other side of her desk. She closes the door behind us. “I trust you are both doing well.”

“Yes,” I say. Snow makes a noise in agreement, mouth still full of muffin. She looks at him with a note of disgust but moves on. 

I know she loves Snow, but he has definitely been a project for her since she started here. Her first month as captain was a constant battle between the two of them. Snow not wanting to comply and her trying to get him to (as she put it) _grow up_. It wasn’t an easy task, but they really grew from it and I’ve not seen Snow more on it with his cases. He even accidentally called her mom once (we teased him endlessly, although knowing his background with his parents I did feel bad about it afterward). 

“Snow, I know you were recently assigned a case to work involving the humdrum mob with some lower-level members.” 

“Yes, Ma’am. I’ve been working with Penny and Shepard since they’ve had experience with some of the members.” Simon says seriously. It takes me back when he gets so professional. Sometimes I forget he really does take his job seriously with how often he makes jokes. He does silly things like bets, tries to create intense heists every year (no one has bothered with it- but I think he’s almost got Bunce convinced to go against him this year), and helps organize something called the jimmy jab games. Due to this, it’s easy to think he is a child in a man’s body. It’s refreshing (and hot) to see him in action and ready to work. 

“Yes, good.” She says, sitting back down at her chair. “This is a very serious case, and it just got more serious by far. We have a tip that may lead us to the Humdrum himself- which is an opportunity we cannot pass by. Due to this, I am assigning both of you to the case. I need my best men on this and I know I can trust you both. However, I need you to be quiet about what you’re going into. There may be a mole in the system and we don’t need them to find out. Do you think you can both handle this?” She looks between the two of us, waiting for our answer. 

“Yes of course. We will begin work on it straight away. Thank you so much for this opportunity.” I stand up sharply, taking the file from her, while Snow fumbles beside me with a response (I think he just got a little too excited at the idea of taking down a mob boss. I heard something about The Godfather come out of his mouth.) Before he says something even more stupid, I pull him out of her office and move back to our desks to start our work. 

“Okay Baz,” Simon starts, his brows furrowed as he swings over to my side of the desk to look over the files with me. He smells like old spice and coffee right now, and I’m immediately intoxicated by it. I am a shame to my family, and for everything I stand for. Baz Pitch, taken down by the smell of cheap body wash and burnt coffee from the kitchen. If I’m being honest with myself, he probably smells like coffee because he spilled some on himself. He’s an absolute idiot and I love him. “The faster we get on this case the faster you can lose this bet.” I frown almost immediately. 

“Are you seriously focusing on the bet right now?” I can’t believe it. Actually no- I think I’m more upset by the fact that I am not surprised. He would be motivated to finish a case by something like a stupid competition. 

“Yes.” He says matter-of-factly as if _I_ am the one being ridiculous. “You’re just excited at the possibility you might be able to avoid me beating you. 

I roll my eyes and move closer to look at the evidence, trying to ignore the heat radiating off of his body the closer I get. _Focus Baz_. There is a lot going on here, and I think Snow believes this is going to be easier than it will be. 

“Snow, I think you need to recognize that this isn’t going to be such an easy case for us to solve. It may take even longer than a week to solve this. Bets don’t matter when this person can be taken down.” I look at him, and he nods his head in agreement. 

We discuss the case and read the evidence, taking breaks for coffee and food. Shepard comes over at one point asking Simon if he’d want to get drinks tonight, saying something about needing to talk to him. He only leaves once Snow agrees and we are left to make phone calls and discuss plans. We leave that day with tired brains, but with ideas swimming around us to take down someone who has plagued the city longer than the two of us have been cops.


	2. Chapter 2

After two days of research and following leads, we decide to go undercover to infiltrate the organization. It’s the only way we are going to get closer to finding the Humdrum- though it is far riskier. Going undercover is far from my first choice, but I’m unsure of how to get more information otherwise. I always feel weird about going undercover. I may be good at acting (Simon disagrees, but I’ve successfully acted like I’m not in love with him for over a year now), and I can cover up my emotions, but I don’t think I am good at pretending to be a criminal. As a detective, it’s one of those qualities I should have. Not being a criminal. 

Snow and I are pretending to be carjackers and are trying to get connections to ‘help’ out the Humdrum’s organization. To avoid anyone accidentally seeing, I'm picking Snow up at his apartment. I wait patiently outside of my car, coffee in hand, wearing jeans and a henley. I’m trying to keep it casual, but I also can’t take my usual dressing habits completely away. This whole operation will be easier if I am comfortable, instead of feeling like something is scratching me constantly. 

I look down at my watch, he is already fifteen minutes late. I pull my phone out to call him, but at the first ring he comes out. He has on tennis shoes, a shirt, a grey jacket he probably got for under ten dollars, and- _oh my God_ \- cargo pants. 

“What the hell are you wearing Snow?” I ask, passing him a coffee and getting in the driver’s seat. 

“What do you mean? It’s my character! My name is Jake Peralta, I grew up with a horrible father and found a mentor who is a member of a street gang. This led me to a life of crime and deviousness. He died a few years ago, and I think of him every time I break into a car.”

“Jesus” I have to keep myself from smiling. He is absolutely ridiculous. 

“So, who are you?” He looks over at me, expectantly. 

“I’m Baz.” I raise an eyebrow and look at him, waiting for the light to change. 

“Oh my God, do you not even have a character?” He looks like I am the one being dumb. 

“I could be Chaz?” I suggest. It’s close enough to my name so I may not mess it up.

“Not good enough,” He ponders for a moment. As we continue to drive he explains how I am now someone named Andy and I’m his partner in crime. 

By the time we get to the destination I’ve schooled my face and am in full-fledged detective mode. I may be nervous on the inside, but I don’t let it show. If this is going to work I have to be cool and calculated. Simon, however, doesn’t seem to be taking the same approach. He is already shaking hands with the men and is cracking jokes as we talk. I swear he could become friends with a rodent if needed. The guys around us are already drinking him in before they look at me and ask what my use is. I’m about to reply when Simon does it for me. 

“He is my right-hand guy. I couldn’t have gotten to where I am today without him.” He flashes me a winning smile. “He has really nimble fingers too, so that has helped us with tight spaces.”

I look down at my hands. I guess I do have pianist’s fingers, but I am more curious about Snow noticing them. Despite my want to question more on that, I am reaching out for a man’s hand (I believe I catch the name _Carl_ ), and am introducing myself (I even use the name Andy. I guess we are now Jake and Andy. Sounds weird). 

We demonstrate our skills (well Simon coaches me through it in whispers, and I’m caught wondering how he knows this) to their satisfaction and make a deal to do work. 

“We’ll give you a call when we need you,” Carl tells Simon. 

“Any ideas as to when that might be?” Simon asks. Carl laughs in response and walks away, bringing his group of people with him. 

“Well,” Simon sighs. “I guess now we wait.” He walks around me, patting my shoulder and heading to our car. 

I wonder how long it’ll take before they reach out.

**____________**

Next thing I know we are on a stakeout. We are sitting in my car on the other side of town, Simon has a burger in his hands and I have an apple. He always manages to eat a lot on stakeouts, but I am always too on edge. This apple is almost too much for my queasy stomach. 

Apparently, much to his chagrin, Snow planted a bug and tracker with the man we met with. I guess I hadn’t realized it was _his_ car we were breaking into. Right now we are sitting outside a restaurant, watching the guy who entered, trying our hardest to see if he can lead us anywhere. Simon is talking as we try to keep watch, I can tell he is itching to move, but we have to wait until the perfect opportunity. 

“So, what were you planning to do with my car if you won our bet anyway?” Simon says, tossing a fry into his mouth. 

“Probably drive it into the Hudson.” I catch a glimpse of him still sitting at a table near the door. _When will he move?_ “What were you planning to do on this date?”

“Oh, it would have been incredible. I’m almost afraid of saying anything now in case it works out and I’ve spoiled it.” 

“You know, I’m surprised that you chose that as your part of the bet. Not many straight men would choose to do so.” I retort, looking at him to gauge his reaction. I’ve always suspected he may be bi, but haven’t ever gotten confirmation. So I tell myself he is straight and move past it. His answer will give me the confirmation I need (want.) 

He looks at me confused. _Bingo_. 

“I’m not straight- I’m bisexual. I thought everyone knew?” He looks worried now before he starts the next bit. “I hope that doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Nope. I’m fully gay, so going on a date with a man isn’t out of the realm of my possibility.”

“Good.” His smile is so bright it could blind a man. How am I supposed to react? Does he want to go on a date with me? Or is this all a joke?

“You know, Snow, if you wanted to go on a date with me so badly all you had to do was ask.” I try to say calmly, as if the situation isn’t burning me alive from the inside. 

He begins to stumble, and then we both jump when someone knocks on our window. It’s the guy we are tailing. 

_Fuck_. 

“Hey boys,” He says when I roll down the window. “What brings you to this part of town?”

“I’m just trying to find a place where Andy here,” Simon responds, pointing his thumb at me and leaning over to get a look at Carl. “Would actually be willing to eat.”

“You’ve got a burger in your hands right now.” Carl gives us a look like we are idiots. I guess we are.

“Yeah, I’ve eaten,” Simon shrugs, moving back a bit. “But Baz won’t even finish an apple. I worry about his blood sugar.”

Carl gives us a look, assessing the situation before he reaches in to unlock the car door and opens it.

“Get out, I’ll help find your partner here some food.” 

It doesn’t feel like the smart decision, but we follow, not sure what else to do. 

“Thanks so much,” Simon says once he comes around to my side of the car. 

Then it all happens so fast, and we are trying to fight off not only Carl but his cronies. My world goes black after someone gets a good hit on my head, and I watch Simon collapse next to me as well. 

Surely someone must notice two adult men falling unconscious after a fight, right?


	3. Chapter 3

The next thing I know I am waking up. My head hurts and I am feeling groggy. I try to open my eyes, but it’s too bright and I close them again. It takes me a moment before bits and pieces of what happened come back to me. Simon tried to fight the guy off, and as I tried to help him someone came from behind me. All I know is I felt a sharp hit on my head, maybe from a gun, and I was falling down. As the lights in my head went out, I watch the same happen to Simon. 

_ Simon. _ I hope he is okay. Is he with me now? I need to try opening my eyes again. I need to find him. 

My eyes start to focus and I take in my surroundings. It is definitely a warehouse (it always is, I swear), and I immediately take notice of the bindings digging into my wrist. There are voices in the distance that I cannot quite make out, but I do clearly hear Snow stir next to me. I chance a look at him and see there is blood on his face, and his eye is already starting to bruise. I can only imagine what I look like right now. 

“Snow- are you alright?” I’m trying not to panic but it’s hard not to. It’s a stupid question to ask, obviously neither of us is okay, but I need to hear something from him to calm myself down. 

“Peachy, Baz.” He groans. “How about yourself? If I had known that you were so into bondage I’d have included that in on our date.” He is joking, so at least his head isn’t too damaged. I can’t help but chuckle, he always makes jokes to help ease the tension when we are in danger. It always works too. I hate it. 

“As much as I love warehouses, I think it is time for us to come up with a plan to escape. I hear voices from nearby so we have to be quick.”

“There is a window over there,” Snow says, jerking his head to the right. “If we can get out of our restraints then I bet we can get out of here in a flash.” 

“Smart thinking. But do we have anything to get out of these?” 

Instead of answering me Snow moves his chair to place his hands where my hands are. Now isn’t the time for it, but I can’t help but rejoice at the feeling of his hands touching mine. He is just trying to untie the knot (what a boy scout), but my desperate mind wants to pretend this is us holding hands. 

When he gets me free I turn to do the same for him, and before we know it we are out of our chairs and clambering over to the window. 

“I see you woke up boys. Nice of you to join the party.”  _ Fuck _ . 

Snow’s jaw sets and he turns around, hand already reaching for his gun (it’s not there, of course.) I can see him pull his usual mask of confidence on- ready for the danger that presents itself. 

“Well we aren’t ones to miss a party, you see. But then you decided to not carry any of my favorite beers so I decided to bounce.” He points to the window at this, moving closer to me. Having him close instantly calms me, and if I could grab his hand I would. 

“Very funny.” He chuckles and steps forward. I immediately recognize him as Commissioner David. Can this case get any more intense? Now we have to deal with corrupt government officials? “I can’t let you interfere with my operation boys and you’re getting too close. So it’s time for you guys to make a disappearance.”

“You realize these people know what we are investigating and will just come after you, right?” I ask- though I somewhat fear the answer. He has evaded us for years, and somehow fooled everyone into thinking that he is fighting for justice. I wonder how many other detectives just like us have gone through this same situation, and for David to get away with it each time. 

“Well you see, there is a rumor that there is a mole infiltrating the NYPD anyways, so you can both be framed for that and then ‘mysteriously’ die in jail.” He shrugs at that, making it sound like killing us is the most casual thing in the world. 

Simon keeps talking but I can barely hear anything happening anymore. I am too busy trying to think about how to get us out of this. There has to be some way we can get a weapon, or maybe distract him? Maybe he will try to move us to another space and we can get the drop on him? There are a million possibilities and my brain is racing to catch up when all of a sudden there is a crash and people are flooding the warehouse. 

“Put your hands up where we can see them!” I see Shepard and Penny, supported by more cops and all pointing their guns at David. 

“Hello, officers.” He says calmly, raising his hands slightly. “I’m glad you made it, I have been conducting an investigation and have found our two moles. I was actually about to make the arrest.”

Immediate panic floods me again, and I pray to whoever will listen they don’t believe him. 

“Sir we heard your conversation. We don’t believe a single word that came out of your mouth.” Penny says, pulling out a pair of handcuffs as she does so. 

“How did you hear that? We searched both for wires.” He backs away from her, stopping only as Shepard moves closer, gun pointing at his head. 

That’s when Simon chimes in. 

“Well, you didn’t think we were going to go on a stakeout empty-handed right? I planted a tracker in Baz’s shoe-” I look down and pull off my shoe, only to find it hidden plainly on the bottom of the sole of the shoe- when the hell did he do that? “And then I also had my phone on this whole time. You were the one stupid enough to not check and also to bring it into the room with us.” He points to David’s pocket, where Penny takes out both his and my phones- his still open to a phone call. “You’d think that you would have checked considering how  _ smart _ you are Mr. Humdrum.” He then looks at me and winks, like it was all so easy and we were never in trouble. 

I can’t help but be bewildered by his ease in getting us out of this. They are giving David his Miranda rights, and Simon is walking closer to me, concern all over his eyes. 

“Are you okay, Baz?” He asks softly. “I’m sure they’ve got paramedics, maybe we should get you checked out.”

“I think you should take a look at yourself in the mirror right now.” I brush a curl from his forehead without thinking, taking a closer look at the bruise around his eye. “Are you doing okay?”

“It’s not the worst I’ve ever had. It’ll take more than a bit of head trauma to take me down.” He smiles. “You, of course, still look great. I can only imagine what a mess I look like right now. Meanwhile, you could probably go model for a GQ photoshoot for cologne.”

“Uh, thanks.” I feel the heat rushing to my cheeks, and I can’t seem to form more words. Snow seems to understand and gives me a wink before going to talk to Captain Bunce. 

**____________**

It seems like hours later when we finally emerge from getting checked by medics (Penny insisted) and answering questions for the detectives. Now we are sitting at Shaw’s Bar, enjoying a beer and pretending like our lives almost didn't end. 

“So, the week is up and we are both tied,” Simon says, picking at the sticker on his bottle of beer. 

As a response, I look at him and raise my eyebrow. There are many ways this could go, but I want it to come from him- not from my pestering. When he realizes I am not going to say anything more to prompt him he continues. 

“I know that I had the tracker and the phone call, but I really thought we were going to die today. Knowing that- I think I’ve got to do something that I’ve been skirting around for a while.”

I open my mouth to say something but he raises a hand to stop me. 

“Please just let me get this out and then you can leave and never see me again if it’s horrible. I hope it’s not, of course, I just know I would regret it if I never tried.” 

I wait patiently as he collects his thoughts. I truly do not know where his brain is at right now. My head is conjuring images of him telling me that he loves me, kisses me, and then all of a sudden we are getting married right here in this bar.

Maybe my head got a little more hurt than I thought it did. 

“Baz, I know we made this silly bet where you’d get my car or I’d get to take you out on a date, and neither of us won or lost. This means neither of us gets what we want. But, I do want to take you out. Like on a date. Romantic style. Because I really really like you.” He looks up from his drink finally, panic in his eyes. Am I hallucinating? Is he really worried about my response to this? I thought it was obvious? We have been playing this game for years, and for it to finally be over, for me to finally have Simon fucking Snow, is a miracle. 

I sneakily pinch myself to make sure this is a real thing. 

“You don’t have to, of course. I’ll totally keep things professional at work- it’ll be like this moment never happened.”

Shit, I took too long to respond and now he is backtracking. 

“No, no. Snow I would love to go on a date with you.” I say, grabbing his face and moving it up so he can look into my eyes. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.” At that, he beams at me, grabs me by the shoulders and kisses me. 

Suddenly this awful day just became one of the best days of my life. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know if you liked this and would want to see more :).
> 
> Check out my [Tumblr](http://tumblr.com/blog/caitybuglove23)


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